Of all the things we do in this world we always make 2 types of decision a real one and a one based on Fantasy.. and the reason behind is our imaginative powers... we live in reality but we dream fantasies. I spoke to a colleague yesterday and upon the discussions we ended up discussing something on how we map expectations to reality...The way this happens is, we want something to happen , badly very badly without knowing the consequences or effects of what happens that is exactly what I term as fantasy thinking...
A few years ago I badly wanted a car, I went for one... When I bought the car I realized a few things that should have been taken care of before I bought the care... I found:
- I did not hold a separate parking space for my car, I had to park the vehicle far off from my home and walk almost 10 minutes every time to park it ro take it with me.
- I did not think of accidents and maintenance costs, leave the fuel hikes
- What about the borrowers, so many of my friends and relatives wanted to borrow it, resulted in other issues like bad usage
So I had a fantasy expectation of having a car..I call it fantasy expectation because it lead to things that I did not foresee or the consequences unknown. Result was definitely some bad things that came my way. In reality I was capable to buy a car, I deserved it so I fantasized my expectation. In reality this turned to have several unthoughtful consequences which I did not think off.
A similar story happened to one of a dear colleague who desperately wanted to be a Project Manager. He kept bugging me and other bosses for making him the PM. When the opportunity did not come his way, he resigned and started looking for openings and found one as a Project Manager. His have's included everything that he wanted to be a Project Manager except the readiness to be the Project manager. When he took over the role he realized that it wasn't easy, a while after I came to know from his Team mate about the disasters he made. As a courtesy to help I asked him to speak to me and he confessed-
- It was easy for him to create a rumor in the Team, but then it became difficult to handle the same when it affected him own.
- It was easy to work over others estimates than giving one
- It was not easy to handle people
- It was not easy to handle ego's and expectations
- Several things dont go right, its not about how you fix it, its about when
So in the story about the person was in a state where he expected a fantasy without calculating the reality... and this is the big thing that can change the life.
Now... Fantasy is not a fully fantasy expectation or decision... its a decisions , expectation that can turn real with the step of time... In Other words fantasy decision if given time can be a well made real decision but not many do that...We make Fantasy decisions based on what we want and not what we have.. results in some real bad steps.
Another incident worth mentioning a year and a while ago I was supposed to migrate to the UK with a change in job. I was in a state of mind.. The reality said that it wont make a difference on where you want to be, it will make a difference on what you want to do... I made a decission to migrate, though in back of mind I always had this question Should I? it took a year... all the thoughts about where to say, what to do, how to do in the foreign land started getting answered as I started to visit the place I was going to be very often. Realized the pros and cons and finally the decision came of not to migrate... The fantasy for me then was A Great Job in a Great land, Great Money, Great experience... but all this made me not think over all other facts that stayed as consequences of moving... Somebody who makes a decision and move in such time, then ends up not been satisfied for long.. and then wanting to turn back... Got any friends who joined another company thinking that its a great opportunity and then wanting to come back? or someone who left the city in despair and now wanting to desperately come back?
So... how do these fantasy decisions or expectations be turned into genuine , well thought decisions?
Pessimistic Approach
1. Dont just think it your self
Involve others who are near and dear to you. Friends , Family play good role. However do not tell them what you think before you get to know what they think about it. A lot of times decisions are biased based on your thoughts. A friend left his job because he was feeling not so good and he cribbed about it to his spouse everyday.. spouse suggested to leave the organization... Friend only later realized that he missed a good thing coming his way.. and was now stuck in another deep shit.
2. Is there a list, Is there an experience
Ask if others have experience in the decision.. people who have been through can hlep you make a decision.
3. Family is driven by your decision, involve a critic too.
Family recommends good always. Critic can give you some thought for money. He may be harsh but will give you a taste of reality.
Optimistic Approach
1. Give it a time before you take it
Time heals everything... before you take a decision spend enough time, working, reworking and re-re working. I was able to change many bad decisions of mine while repeatedly working and thinking about them.
2. Do not write it off
it may be great. A fantasy decision maybe great so never write it off...
3. List down pros and cons
What else can help you make an effective decision? make it with friends and family, make it with colleagues and run it with some experts.
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