Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Is Worrying hurting you?

A lot of your troubles start with you worrying about things. You worry about your future, You worry about your past, You worry about present. You worry if You will be able to buy the car you wanted, Or You worry if you will be able to make a vacation this year considering the work load. You worry if your colleague will get more money than you or you worry if he will make your job redundant. So many things You worry and so many times out of these you don't know if you should worry.

Recently I came across a dear colleague who put this on her IM status "Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen…". A lesson that I always thought worked for me... what I worried about, never happened, I learnt this a sweet way and then I put it in my public diary that worrying doesnt make life easier.. You dont stop worrying though, stop worrying about the fact that you are worried... In other words start looking at your worries with a suction pump and a blower.

Lets take this general example in your life...
1. Your credit card is over limit and you have mortgage cheques coming in.
2. You promised yourself to buy a new car
3. You worried that your colleague will get the promotion you eyed on
4. You worried that because the economy is bad, you will be fired
5. You worried that because of the financial crunches you will not be doing all that you wanted to do...

In a general scenario... a human starts putting all this in one small head and then gets worried about everything.. yes everything.. Results are here:
1. He is frustrated and the frustration results in arrogance and abrupt behavior at work, on colleagues. Specially with the ones who think are responsible for it.
2. You are non co-operative with a few
3. Your face is frowned and body language dull
4. You start spreading negativity about everything
5. You discuss issues with your spouse, who in turn gets worried that if you loose job what will happen.
I still leave the sleepless nights, frustration , anxiety and other side effects all of this had on you...

Now with the same worries if you prioritize them by 3 rule principle...
1 . When : Put the impact of your worry...

A. I will die Immediately if -
B. I will die in a few weeks if -
C. I will die in a few months if -

Now put your worries in the 3 when's...

A. I will die Immediately if -
None really?

2. My Family will die if will hold :
1. You are cashless and you have mortgage cheques coming in.
2. You worried that becuase the economy is bad, you will be fired

3. I need not worry if will hold :
1. You worried that becuase the economy is bad, you will be fired
2. You worried that becuase of the financial crunches you will not be doing all that you wanted to do...
3. You promised yourself to buy a new car
4. You worried that your collegue will get the promotion you eyed on

So in other words... there is nothing that will kill you immediately? then for the things that you are not getting killed by today, why worry about them? Now take the ones that you are going to be immediately hurt by or hurt in a few weeks...

2. What

What can I do with them?
1. You are cashless and you have mortgage cheques coming in.
Can I borrow from friend, family and return them when I have enough?
Can I put it on hold with the bank?
Can I use my savings?
Can I call the bank and tell them to hold?

2. You worried that becuase the economy is bad, you will be fired
Can I go talk to my Boss and ask him whats happening?
Can I ask my Boss if I am good?
Can I review myself on what I have done so far and then review myself if I am doing good?
Can I see how much time I will have if the worst comes to hit me?

If you ask yourself these questions maybe you are half worried already? Now take the impact of the what and when... can I see how I can resolve them?

3. How
If you have answers to the first 2, I think you already have answers to how... so thats not hard anymore... Now lets take the 3 principles and see what we actually did with them?

Now the items that we didnt take to far from the 1st principle... lets see how we handle them?
1. New Car? - Well I can wait because if my job exists today or tomorrow I will have it.
Promotion? - Well I am doing the best here, I am sure it will come through with some time... waiting is better than getting fired?
Collegue with negative intentions? - Well how far did anyone go with negative intentions? People who do best will continue to do best.

So for some of these issues

1. We Put first things first
We prioritized. Lot of times we worry of everything that is running in present.. if we prioritize the best ones to worry about, I think we resolve half the worries there...

2. We put things that we can handle
I had a debate with a friend who continuously cribbed about the government on how they are unsuccessful and prices of commodities are going high and how politicians are dirty.. I asked him 2 questions.. "Can you change the prices" "Can you help anyone do it?" 1st was a no second was a yes... he participated in a campaign , now he feels happy that he did something and he has one less thing to worry about.

3. We went with an attitude that everything will be all right in phases
Negativity kills. A lot of people tend to spread negativity without knowing facts. Its the negativity that makes you more and more worried.. if we leave the negativity aside the bigger part of worrying is gone. They say bring 2 powerful nations to debate on world politics and we are at a world war.

4. We simplified things
We simplified items ourselves... Dont involve others in doing this as they would complicate things for you.

5. We stopped comparing
Huh? My money - his money will never end. Humans are never full and satisfied. Even Adam and Eve were not, result known to everyone. But then decide the Have's carefully and stop comparing. Because you will always have 1 less a thing than the other.

6. We trusted selves and others.
Bring trust into yourself first. Insecurity is outcome of self confidence on a fall. We trusted our Bosses , Ourselves our family to get out of this.

Now that you just found one way to be less worried, why not take a chill and help others getting less worried?